BETTER SORRY THAN SAFE

I was in my garage workout room. I had the door open a few feet to let in some air, and the open door also let in our five-year-old neighbor David. I was riding my stationary bike, and David had never seen a stationary bike. He had just learned to ride his two wheeler and had recently removed the training wheels. He had scrapes on his face as proof of that premature act.

He watched me peddling furiously for a couple of minutes and said, "Tom (he's a modern kid), what's that?" I told him, "It's a bike, Dave, but not like your bike. I don't fall off of this one, don't have to ride out in the hot sun, and don't get splashed after a rain. It's neat, isn't it?" He replied, "Yeah, but you're not going anywhere!" (Out of the mouths of babes!) "Sure, Dave, but I'm safe."

Always playing safe is breaking even at the casinos by only playing the change machine. Lots of excitement, commotion, and activity but not much reward.

A sure way to be safe is to never try anything new, but never trying sharply reduces your learning. You're also not advancing toward success, not growing, and not having nearly as much fun as you could have.

Picture this scenario: You're 120 years old sitting in the Old Employees' Home. You're gumming a bagel. At that point in your life would you be most upset over projects you tried that didn't work out or projects that you would like to try but feel you're too old to do? Sure, research and common sense backs up the latter.

During a break at one of my programs, I was speaking to a man who told me a truly disheartening story. He was about 65 years old. He and his older sister were the only ones left in the family. Getting together was infrequent. The last time they began talking about why they don't keep in better touch, they both came to the realization that why they don't write to each other is because both lacked confidence in their spelling and punctuation! When they're 120 years old, what will be more important, their relationship or winning the inter-family spelling bee?

What would you be doing, or not doing, in your personal and/or professional life if you didn't always play safe? What would you be doing if you didn't care about what others thought and if you fully understood the benefits of failure what projects, ideas might you implement? When you're retired from your job, what will you have wished you had done before you left? What are you doing now to make that happen?

Lesson: "Safe" may be a desirable destination, but safe is not where most of us are headed.

FEAR -- A VIABLE OPTION

In Mel Brooks' classic comedy skit, The 2000 Year Old Man, Carl Reiner, asks the old man what the major form of transportation was 2000 years ago. The old man answers, "Fear!"

Fear has been given a bum rap.

Fear keeps you going -- going to a job you might not like, going with a relationship that's less than rewarding, going to the health food store and going to the gym. Fear provides the "transportation" from things you don't want -- unemployment, loneliness, illness, and fat. Not to want something to happen is as good a motivator as to want something to happen. Fear motivates as effectively as desire.

Without good honest fear you'd be quitting your job at the slightest provocation, ending relationships the moment the toothpaste tube is squeezed in the middle, and stuffing down fried peanut butter and honey sandwiches on white bread during an eight hour stint on the couch.

Fear in the proper doses keeps you on the straight and narrow -- but you can overdose on this potentially good thing. Too much fear and you don't do what needs to be done -- leaving the job or the relationship that's draining you, using your leisure time doing the things you enjoy doing.

Fear, both healthy and unhealthy, drives your actions. Where does such a powerful force of nature come from? You're not born carrying a file folder full of fears. Fear is a learned emotion. You learn to fear everything you fear (except fears of falling, loud noises, and a legislature in session). What you have learned, you can unlearn. Unfortunately, when it comes to our fears, we tend to learn quickly and unlearn slowly.

You can't fear the past. Fear is a future thing, and since the future is all in your head, fear must be a head thing.

You're responsible for allowing in your head the amount of fear that stops you from crossing a busy street blindfolded and for blocking out the fear that keeps you in the house altogether. A rich, exciting, and vibrant life is the balance between productive and destructive fears -- your choice.


Lesson: Fear doesn't come as part of the human package, you add it as an option.