FROM THE INSIDE OUT

The medical profession is known for it but I believe every profession should accept it as their guiding principle. Truthfully, I believe it should be the guiding principle of life in general! "It" is: DO NO HARM.

Think about how much better everyone's life would be if each individual (who makes up everyone) did no harm? How much better would your time here on earth be if all people dedicated their lives to not harming themselves, their family, their community and their environment?

Shouldn't you dedicate your life to doing good? "Good" sounds like something you should be doing, but I believe first you do no harm, and if you have time left over, then you can do some good.

Imagine a twenty-four hour period where you just take care of you; you eat all the appropriate food groups, sleep your eight hours, and exercise your mind and body. You treat each member of your family with honor, love and respect. You are a contributing member to your community, and you are gentle with the environment. Sounds like a full day eh? Once you've done all of that, you're now free to spend the rest of your day doing good, if there is any good left to be done.

Lesson: If we each take care of our self there will be nobody left to take care of.

SO MUCH TO DO AND SO LITTLE TIME

I found a list of "to do" items in a book I took from my brother Bill's office.

This would not have been an event worth remembering, much less included as a lesson, if it hadn't been for the fact that I got the book when we were cleaning out Bill's office after his death.

A "to do" list for a person who has died set me to thinking.

These were items in Bill's hectic, get on and off an airplane, take a taxi, check into a hotel, make a difference in the lives of people, check out, get on an airplane and start all over again, world. These were activities he believed he needed to accomplish to make his life and the lives of those he touched, meaningful.

Bill was, when you sort through all of the adjectives, a teacher. While he was my younger brother I followed him into the world of improving organizational performance by concentrating on the fulfillment and growth of each individual. Granted I may not be very objective for many reasons, but I believe Bill's work was important. Bill gave it everything he had and was darn good at it.

He took his work and his life seriously (a family trait), so those "to do" items were to Bill a real commitment. But to see them in the context of life and death definitely put "9 a.m. meet with Dean" into perspective.

I would like to restate my philosophy of life -- You're born, you die, and in between you do something. As simple as this philosophy is to understand, it takes most of us our entire time here on earth to figure out what that "something" is.

When Bill was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus (Warning: not taking consistent heartburn seriously may be harmful to continued life), we spent time together just talking. Talking about things other than business was something we hadn't done in years. (Warning: not taking consistent time out with someone you love may be harmful to living a life worth continuing.)

I had recently read an article in Reader's Digest on 50 things the author wanted to do before she died. I told Bill that I couldn't think of more than two or three things that I wanted to do, Bill felt the same way. This meant that we had either done everything (which we knew was not the case), or our "possibility gene" had atrophied.

This exercise reminded me of one of the most depressingly accurate quotes I had ever read. Jean De La Bruyere said, "There are but three great events in a person's life: birth, life and death. Of birth he is insensible, he suffers when he dies, and he forgets to live, While Jeano was probably not the life of the party, he was sure reading my mail.

Being unaware during birth is true. Suffering at death will also to some degree be true, but it's the forgetting to live piece, true for far too many, that's the most disturbing.

It's most disturbing because while you don't control your birth or the amount of suffering you experience at death, you do control whether you remember to live.

Over time, when you take life too seriously and your "to do" list gets too long, you close out all other possibilities. You're born, you work on your "to do" list, then you die. If you don't fancy that as your epitaph, what are you doing to change it?

Because of some errant cells my parents lost a devoted son, Joan lost a loving husband, I lost my brother/friend and you lost -- Bill. In his life he taught thousands of people how to work. In his death, he taught me to live.

Lesson: If you don't live a life, you don't have a life.

 

ANOTHER WAKE UP CALL

I was feeding the horses when life changed.

Just slinging hay and singing along (under my breath so as not to scare the horses) with a county and western tune on the radio the morning of September 11, 2001.

After every major national tragedy some deep-voiced radio guy or TV talking head will say, "We have lost our innocence." That's true, but we have also gained something. We have gained intelligence. The more you know, the less innocent you are.

I first remember losing my innocence (in the sense we are speaking--stay with me here), and gaining intelligence when John Kennedy was assassinated. After November 22, 1963, I realized how vulnerable our presidents are. When a president visits New Mexico I feel a sense of relief when he leaves. (No Dallas here today.) I lost another chunk of innocence and gained intelligence during the Viet Nam war and Watergate, I now know the depths to which politician can rise.

Intelligence gained and innocence lost at the World Trade Center. The universe apparently doesn't want any of us walking around here for 187 years so when we get closer to cures for the likes of cancer, nature gives us suicidal terrorists. Life will not be won, and death will not be beaten. I have been reminded of that lesson this time by strangers whose names I can't pronounce and whose beliefs I can't comprehend. I won't forget again.

Living, it has been said, is the only game where we learn the rules as we play the game. So, if we stay alert at all, the longer we live the more time we get to know how life works. We lose innocence and gain intelligence minute by minute. We understand mortality. We see everyday that good guys don't always win and bad guys don't always lose. We recognize that life has a plan of its own, which may or may not have anything to do with us. Just about the time we really have it figured out, the whistle blows and the game is over. I get it.

Lesson: In life's school the teacher never sleeps.

GOLF BAGS AND SHOULDER PADS

"Winning is everything!"

Vince Lombardi

"Nuts!"

Tom Payne

There has to be more to life than "winning." What about love, friendship, learning, growing? Aren't those more "everything" than -- winning?

But the more I thought of it, the more I believed the coach was right -- winning is everything. But first you must define the game, and when you know the game you're playing, you'll know the skills you need to win.

If the game is to score more points then the opponent by getting the ball across the goal line either by carrying, passing or kicking, then you need to master the skills of running, blocking, kicking, and passing.

But if the game is to knock a little white ball around with a club as few times as possible, then the required skills are different than the running, blocking, etc. game

So when coach Vince said, "Winning is everything," if he meant you should strive to be the best in the game you're choosing to play (and that game can be anything from the game of shopping to the game of life ), I agree with him completely.

A problem arises when there is an unclear definition of the game. You're all dressed and practiced up for golf, and you find yourselves in a football game. You're confused. This is happening to many people today. The game is changing and the players are not. People are walking around with golf bags slung over their shoulder pads.

While anything is possible, it's a poor bet that you'll win a game you don't know you're playing. Define the games that are important to you; stop playing the games that aren't. Acquire the skills needed to win, and go for it.

Lesson: Know the game, master the skills, and play to win.