SHAME ON ME

People watching in Houston Hobby airport might not be as exhilarating as people watching at a Marilyn Manson concert, but it was all I had.

Most travelers today seem to have two things in common: they wear frowns as the face uniform of the day, and they wear cell phones surgically attached to their ears.

She was walking toward me down the concourse when I first saw her. For someone in that eclectic mass of humanity to catch my eye was unusual. My eye was caught when I noticed she had no cell phone appendage and, of all things, was smiling! How unlike the general traveling public was she?

She was a big woman, both tall and full figured, in her early 30s. She had a pasty complexion and was wearing a "Diane Keaton" hat over a complete head scarf topping off a moo mooy type dress that took me back to the 60s. I named her Moonbeam. (I didn't have much else to do.)

I know we're not suppose to be judgmental, and hopefully I'm not when I say, "Moonbeam looked silly."

We approached, I judged, we passed. I was then on to checking if there were any others in the airport who could give me a smile. I was returning from the funeral of my cousin who had died of cancer. I could use any smile I could get.

About one-half hour later while sitting at the gate, I looked up and saw Moonbeam waiting in line to check in. She was more interesting than the book I was reading, so book down, eyes up, and I really checked her out. She was with two older people sporting matching faces. They had to be Mamma and Papa Moonbeam. They were engaged in a lively animated conversation that I strangely would have liked to be part of. I noticed Miss Moonbeam had wide-awake eyes and a great smile occupying a lot of real estate on her unusually pale but radiant, round face. Spending more time and suspending judgement, she looked well...fun, but what was with the scarf and the wild clothes? She dressed like she was pleasing herself and didn't care what people like me thought of her. Imagine that.

Broadening my judgmental scope, I checked out her accessories. Over one arm she carried a little straw basket purse, (fitting with her "I gotta be me" dress). One hand clutched a bouquet of wild flowers. The other hand carried the reason I will try for the rest of my life not to judge another human being so quickly --she held a small cloth travel bag, stitched on were the words The University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center.

She didn't look silly now; Moonbeam looked beautiful.


Lesson: Don't judge people on how they act until you know why they act.

THE ENEMY WITHIN

You have a time management problem? Stop reading right now and talk to your smart, resourceful self. Brainstorm five ways to more effectively manage your time.


Knowing how to manage your time is a pretty easy assignment eh? Now, is your time being managed effectively? Pretty hard eh? So easy to know, so hard to do.

Think of all the things you know how to do and say you want to do, but don't do. Is it possible you really don't want to do what you say you want to do?


Take the time management example. You say you want to manage your time more effectively. You just self-talked five ways to do that very thing, and you're still flitting around like Captain Hook in a juggling contest.


Why? Because to do what's required in order to gain the benefit of effectively managing your time, i.e., discipline, organization, and prioritization, is to you simply not worth doing.


Think of all the elements of your life you say you would like to be different than they are. Would you like to spend more time with the kids (or spend less time with kids)? Train your Lab to be an acceptable member of the family. How about going back to school, changing jobs, moving your career forward or watching every Star Trek episode? You know effective ways to grab whatever carrot is perpetually dangling in front of you -- guaranteed.


You're just choosing not to do what's required. That's OK, provided you stop complaining about the things you don't have or aren't doing. Recognize we as sharers of the human experience get exactly what we should get, given what we're willing to do to get it.


Lesson: To get something you don't have, you must give up something you do have, and it's not always worth the giving up.

A ZERO SUM GAME

If you do something nice for Tammy, must Tammy do something nice for you? If you drive one week in the car pool, must someone else drive one week? You have Bob and Marge to the house for an evening's entertainment, then Bob and Marge owe you an evenings entertainment. You have watched the neighbor's dog twice over the last month now they owe you two?

Are you nice to get nice? Do you drive to be driven, entertain to be entertained, dog watch to have your dog watched? Or do you do what you do for the pure joy of doing without any thought of a payback?

Consider the amount of holiday greeting cards you send. Do you sent the same amount as you get? Might that be a small indication of why you perform the "giving" act of sending cards in the first place?

A person may be morally or legally obligated to pay you back a previously and mutually agreed upon something. If you did what you did to be "nice," or because it was the "right thing to do," and they don't view it the same way, what right do you have to feel put upon?

If it bothers you, invite Bob and Marge over for dinner and tell them the invitation is extended only if they agree to have you back within 2 months. If they fail in their obligation, they owe you the price of the dinners.

That may seem silly, but is it any sillier than inviting them, not voicing your expectations and seething that they haven't met the expectations you created? "Yes, but they should know that, it's just common courtesy," you say. Yea! Right. If it was common, you wouldn't be in that situation. If it's not common to Bob and Marge, and it is important to you, get new friends. New friends that will help you stay even in this incredibly uneven life.

When you do what you do for the purpose of getting paid back, you put the control of the satisfaction and contentment in your life into the hands of someone or something you do not control -- a stressful location in which to reside.


Lesson: Give to give, don't give to get.

NEIGHBORS

Were you ever getting ready to walk your dog and really didn't want to? That happens to me a couple of times a week. Then I think of our ex-neighbors.

No, they didn't tell me I should exercise by mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, and washing my car or walking that head-strong Lab. As a matter of fact, they didn't have to talk to me at all. It's enough that they were there.

Our old neighborhood included a group home for physically-challenged people. When I felt too tired or thought I was too busy to walk, all I had to do was look across the street and see people in wheel chairs who couldn't do, and would probably give anything to do, what I was thinking of voluntarily not doing.

Lesson: Maybe you need to walk your dog just because you can.

DOG GONE

Shadow ran away.

We only had the two-year-old Lab/Pit Bull mix for four months but in that short time she showed us every vulnerable section of our fence. She's a runner, and when her legs get going, her ears close up, so calling her back when she gets a head of steam is a waste of precious breath.

My wife Jean was hiking in the mountains a couple miles from the house. Considering her bent for bolting, she is kept on a leash (Shadow not Jean). Jean put the leash under her foot to fix her (Jean's not Shadow's) headgear. Leash under Jean's foot -- no match for Shadow, she (Shadow not Jean) was gone.

Emotions are funny at a time like that. Before Shadow ran away, I was feeling OK. When she was gone, I was feeling less than OK. She found her way home 24 hours later and I felt better than OK. It felt real good just to have her back! Why didn't I feel that good when she was here before she ran away?

If on Monday afternoon what you value most on this earth was taken from you and returned on Wednesday, how would you feel on Wednesday? Why didn't you feel that good Monday morning? You had what you most valued then.

Why is it so ingrained in human nature that we need to lose something in order to appreciate it? You have a life full of precious people, exciting events and priceless possessions. While we have them, recognize them, count them and value them -- right now, before they're gone, because they will go.

Lesson: Tomorrow's a crap shoot; live today.