A ZERO SUM GAME

If you do something nice for Tammy, must Tammy do something nice for you? If you drive one week in the car pool, must someone else drive one week? You have Bob and Marge to the house for an evening's entertainment, then Bob and Marge owe you an evenings entertainment. You have watched the neighbor's dog twice over the last month now they owe you two?

Are you nice to get nice? Do you drive to be driven, entertain to be entertained, dog watch to have your dog watched? Or do you do what you do for the pure joy of doing without any thought of a payback?

Consider the amount of holiday greeting cards you send. Do you sent the same amount as you get? Might that be a small indication of why you perform the "giving" act of sending cards in the first place?

A person may be morally or legally obligated to pay you back a previously and mutually agreed upon something. If you did what you did to be "nice," or because it was the "right thing to do," and they don't view it the same way, what right do you have to feel put upon?

If it bothers you, invite Bob and Marge over for dinner and tell them the invitation is extended only if they agree to have you back within 2 months. If they fail in their obligation, they owe you the price of the dinners.

That may seem silly, but is it any sillier than inviting them, not voicing your expectations and seething that they haven't met the expectations you created? "Yes, but they should know that, it's just common courtesy," you say. Yea! Right. If it was common, you wouldn't be in that situation. If it's not common to Bob and Marge, and it is important to you, get new friends. New friends that will help you stay even in this incredibly uneven life.

When you do what you do for the purpose of getting paid back, you put the control of the satisfaction and contentment in your life into the hands of someone or something you do not control -- a stressful location in which to reside.


Lesson: Give to give, don't give to get.