"SHOULD-ING" ALL OVER

I feel pretty, I feel pretty. I feel pretty, witty and.. Right in the middle of my shower song came Murphy the Lab. He pushed the shower door open, Lab-swaggered in and began lapping up the water that had just recently washed off my squeaky clean body.


If, when my children lived at home they would have done the same thing (open the shower door, not licked the floor), I would have been angry. The Lab did it; I thought it was cute. Same act. Why would I have been mad at the kids and not the dog?


Simply, kids should know better. Labs, on the other hand, aren't into shoulds,


Anytime you have the word should, rattling around in your cranium, you can bet the negative emotion of anger is waiting to leap on everyone in sight. The kids "should" have known better, therefore I'm angry. Murphy "shouldn't" have known better, therefore I'm not angry. Kid or Lab; my results are the same, I'm still standing wet, cold and waterlogged. Whether I choose to be angry or amused at the situation rests solely on my use of the word should.

Should is a very future oriented word. "If I throw this lit match into a gallon of gasoline, I should get an explosion." That "should" means all the elements are in place to generate a specific result. While an asinine use of a lit match, it is a legitimate use of the word, "should."


Using "should" in the past is when we get into trouble. "Bob should have remembered our anniversary." He didn't. "My boss shouldn't have criticized me in front of others." She did. Go with it!


Anything that has happened should have happened; otherwise it would not have happened. The event did happen and it's over and done. Everything is right with nature, rejoice.


Should paralyzes you in the present moment by requiring spending that present moment wishing events were different from what they are. Rather than fussing and fuming over the irretrievable past, use the present productively by putting a structure in place so a similar undesirable event does not happen again in the future.


Locks on the shower door?



Lesson: Your anger always contains the word should. Reduce your shoulds, reduce your anger.